Tesla and his weasel

Recently while continuing with my research into the viability of weasel power I discovered an early proponent was none other than Nikola Tesla. He was introduced to the concept by his cousin, Rodney, who was a carny and sideshow performer. During Rodney's travels with the carnival he was forced by necessity to make do as best he could. He was a card shark, fortune teller, barker, and occasionally was said to fill in for the exotic dancers, but only when absolutely necessary. His light build and youthful complexion allowed him to do a reasonable attempt at a fan dance. With gas lamps turned down low he captured the hearts of many an unsuspecting farm hand or tradesman.

When the first hand cranked movie projectors appeared Rodney saw this as a stepping stone to a better life. He predicted that the "moving picture will change the carnival world as we know it today and our children's children's fathers' will no longer gaze upon the true human figure for titillation but will view one created by the illusion of the moving picture."

He invested in several projectors and using a homemade camera created short "specialty moving picture plays" which consisted of his interruptions of the fan dance and a simple story of seduction of the dancer by a cooper who has followed "her" to her caravan.

With the popularity of his films he no longer could waste his time cranking his own projector. He needed a way to power them lest he be forced into to hiring young "carny crankers." During an after hours poker game Rodney cleaned out a troupe of traveling little people known, "The Many Merry Mini Midgets of Mannheim." When they couldn't back their markers they began offering Rodney most of their professional equipment to stave off an ugly beating at the hands of Rodney who not only could dance like a woman but settled scores more often than not with fisticuffs. Finally the titles to everything but the clothes on their backs were turned over to Rodney. Upon inspection of a 3 wagon show, costumes, equipment etc, Rodney found he now owned the entire cast of the Midgets of Mannheim's weasel circus.

Never having dealt with least weasels Rodney was soon surprised and elated at what you could do with your own weasel. The lithe furry creatures are incredibly intelligent and this weasel circus was so well drained that 3 of the bulls could actually brew a decent cup of tea and serve toast squares as well. Rodney ignored the toast squares which they held between their teeth to serve while standing on their hind legs,but enjoyed a delicious if somewhat weak cup of tea.

Now owning nearly 75 highly trained weasels he first considered teaching them the fan dance. After meeting with an early form of focus group it was decided that erotic weasels would most likely be a limited draw to a small, but dedicated audience. Had the weasels been able to sing while they played their instruments the act might catch on but only in the bigger cities where bookings were always tougher. You had to have a show that was truly unique.

Rodney finally made the decision to attempt to use the weasels to create hands free projection. After a week of experimentation Rodney had created a very workable system of wheels and pulleys and and belts and clothes pins and weasels running in circles. It was a success and Rodney is credited with having the first all weasel powered erotic moving picture palace.

While visiting his cousin Rodney shared his designs and drawings and suggested to Nikola that there might be a future in weasel power. There was mention made of storing the power generated by the weasel. A weasel battery if you will.

Designs were drawn for personal weasel power generating devices known "box o' weasel energy." Records show that Tesla was intrigued. Although consistent documentation is lacking, there are casual references in several personal letters. It is thought that Tesla was able to create artificial lightning with a massive 3-story generator powered by specially bred weasels from Rodney's stock.

These experiments took place during his Colorado days. Anecdotal evidence from a limited number of scholars believe the "great Colorado laboratory fire" was caused by an over generation of power fueled by amphetamine addicted weasels. No one will ever know because shortly after the fire that roasted every last least weasel prompting an infestation by cats seeking weasel meat morsels which they love and have a primitive affinity for, concerns by city fathers began circulating. Just what was going on? Several of Rodney' experimental weasel stag films had found their way into the hands of local clergy. Locals gathered to eliminate the hyper felines and beat most to death with sticks and brooms. Tesla left the area shortly after.

This suggest the possible possibility of plausible sustainable weasel power exists. If Tesla's weasel notes could be found naysayers might be forced to give this option a second glance.

I want to publish a poem

During the month of April(National Poetry Month) my running buddy, the Skeeter, and I challenged one another to write a poem a day. Challenged is too aggressive a word. We cajoled one another to create focused work in an art form I am admittedly not the best at. Skeets on the other hand has been writing songs and poems since as long as I've known him. For me it was an act of actually working to write something. I didn't want to just dash off a dirty limerick, once driving back to Topeka from Texas with El Skeetman, Markle Farns, and my brother, Cockroach we entertained ourselves in between games of Mattel elecronic football, Markle told the girls at Soap Creek he was doing a test marketing for Mattel, with suggestive limericks. It was less than 10 degrees outside and maybe 38 in my Toyota. The road from Graford to Topeka was one lane and slow. Luckilly it wasn't bright sunshine or all of us would be wearing dark glasses to enhance the telling of the tale.

Somehow that brings us back to the first of several poems I plan to post. I present them for what they are. About this first one, Richard Brautigan was one of my favorite writers when I was younger. His stories and poetry were things I could understand. He said a lot with few words. The news of his passing, alone in a field, next to a tree saddened me. When he was happy...he was a blast to read and think about


for richard brautigan


last night after decades of dormancy
I found myself dreaming of Babylon
there were 2 outs, 2 strikes, 3 odd balls with the score tied
in what might be the last at bat of the game

just as suddenly I pulled the car to the shoulder of the road
awash with the colours of the rainbow
and at the very least spritzed with a sheen of oil on wet black hole asphalt
flashing lights of neon tolled loudly
sizzle-ping, sizzle-ping
TONIGHT ONLY, ALL-NUDE, ELVIS WRESTLING
over and over and over again
brought to you by the Tri-County Kiwanis & Sheriff's Posse
most proceeds go directly to offset costs of future
fund raising

on our backs, hidden from the world
in a copse(thank you Count No Count) of trees deliberately planted by the city
with a secret candy coated center
no visitors after ten p.m.
curfew strictly enforced by too few
undisturbed
on my right is an obsession never to be realized
but dreamed of often
on my left
her best friend and confidant
who for me will someday be that
and more.
That now, nearly forty years then,
not one of us knew even a smidgin of what...
our lives would grant us
what was ahead
lay in store
cliche after cliche
built upon over used images and
then some and excetera
anymore than we could have counted
the number of stars overhead
even if,
we weren't higher than kids should be on a school night

I turned to her best friend and kissed her chastely on the tip of her nose
I turned to her
and did the same
in that, the single best moment of a lifetime
I found myself dreaming of Babylon

and the ball swoofed by me, strike three
I saw it all in super super slo-mo replay vision
I still think if I could have just turned slightly and let it hit me
got to first
but Babylon was calling

and I wanted to count the stars until we got it right