heart of the matter-soul theft

photo of the year

My friend, Tom Stratton(a fellow traveler on one or two misadventures) sends out a weekly music email. It is safe to say all that receive the weekly missive enjoy and depend on it. This week's edition ended with his selection of the photo of the year. He said, "this shot...won light-sticks-up. They(the judges) further decreed no red-eye reduction editing, which, they reasoned, could result in stealing the subject’s soul."

I responded with the following that I just decided I might as well throw up here and see if it sticks.

my note to Tom

...so ironic that you should bring up soul stealing...long story short, bingo, been there, done that, not fun.

By way of explanation. 14 years ago yesterday I allowed a crazed little fat man with pudgy little fingers that can work miracles inside the chests of small babies to have at me with a saw, lots of ice water, spare parts from my right leg and sharp pointy cutty things, clips and clamps, his magic machine and other stuff I was told I didn't want to know about. The gas passer had assured me I'd be as drunk as a hillbilly and wouldn't feel a thing. All I had to do to earn this big treat was prove I could spell my surgeon's name...K-A-L-A-F-I!  I'd practiced and practiced cause I wanted to get it right.

The next seven hours were a blur until I woke up in ICU with a big damn plastic tube down my throat and what seemed like a roomful of auntie Ems and farmhands all come to check on Dorothy which in reality was just family wanting to know how I felt. I can remember thinking, "Just how do you think?" I felt like six kinds of burnt donkey.... I begged and hoped I would nod back into my morphine haze which I found over the next few days my tolerance to and desire for shocked & amazed more than a couple of bewildered medicos. Fast forward to the soul snatching.

I spent most of my ICU time not seeing anybody. Five minutes every several hours was it. I had 5 hoses draining my chest and what felt like a garden hose crammed into my poor little urethra. When folks trotted into visit I surrendered any and all dignity I might have once processed. About dark time I first noticed my unofficial visitor and friend. I was never sure just what size he was. He looked like the smoking jester of death the 'Dead featured in album art work. He hovered near the TV waiting for me to invite him over to feast on my soul. I'll admit I almost let him. I remember thinking now I know why my dad cashed in his chips a couple of days after his bypass. With each ticking second it made more and more sense.  I begged my nurse to leave the TV set on all night to keep him warm. That first night in ICU I woke up repeatedly to check on him. He rested up on the TV and gave a playful wave when I looked his way.

Tuesday, Dec. 30, was only incrementally any better. I was forced to sit up, eat delicious jello and overly salty broth. I was introduced to the respiratory torturer trained to keep my lungs working right and ward off pneumonia. My little friend watched me from his perch. They wanted me to wear my glasses, but I insisted I could see just fine.

Sometime in the evening I nodded off. Toward midnight I woke to quite a bit of noise in the room to the right of me. I was able to piece together some of what was going on. A young person, not out of high school had been involved in a gang related "incident." The previous evening when it all  happened another victim wasn't so lucky and never needed the services of the ICU. My neighbor it seems had taken a turn. I remember very clearly my friend took note. Listening closely he waited for a signal. Aunt and grandmother were brought in for a last visit. A doctor came and explained the particulars, what had happened, what the chances were or actually weren't. I thought, geez, give it a rest, take 'em to another room I don't want to hear this. If you hadn't noticed I'm next door with my own struggle and the play by play and sadness ain't doing me any good.

Rightly or wrongly I feared for my own life. I was 42 with two small children. One of them hadn't even said daddy yet. I was giving it my best shot but due to the trauma to my body, mixed with still unresolved issues involving my father's death after bypass barely three years earlier and facing my own mortality a smidgen before I thought it was fair...I was in an understandably pissy mood. Besides all that, I had the gotdang angel of death blocking my view of Letterman and smacking his lips while he mentally undressed me and sucked up my soul with the straw he'd stolen from my water cup, the rat bastard. I wasn't putting my lips on that again five second rule or not.

Sad to say, I remember thinking he was in a gang. Wasn't all of this even remotely expected? Finally after listening to heart felt and heart wrenching goodbyes and apologies the family left. In the quiet that followed I reminded myself that my situation no matter how terrible it seemed to me...well, I was in a better place than my neighbor. Finally a nurse walked by and closed the sliding door partially dulling the sound some but not enough

In and out of my fog, sometime later the same day/night I awoke to the sounds of monitor alarms, rapid near silent footfalls, the swooshing of scrubs and chatter, commands, responses I knew all too well from those days as an EMT. Things were not going well for my neighbor and that fact hadn't been lost on my friend who seemed to be struggling in his attempt to follow the story of whatever late night yarn was spinning on the TV and salivating in a Pavlovian response to the excitement next door. The poetry slam of urgency halted when a time was called and repeated. Activity ceased in a rapid controlled shut down as one reality melded with another new set of familiar duties. Actions I think we all acknowledge yet seldom thank the providers of. 

As an info-mercial for an amazing life changing product now forgotten began, my friend looked to me and whispered or planted the impression of his message in my brain, "well, that's my cue, gotta run, maybe next time" and with his special flourish he slithered through the gap in my door and was gone.

For the rest of the week I kept an eye out for him and kept the TV on so he'd have a warm place that wasn't me. 14 years he hasn't been back. Maybe I need to keep some light sticks close by, just in case, to distract him.

occupyXmas

 

My 2011 Christmas Music Mix*

(click on the URL's to hear versions of many of these songs)

Ever one influenced by current events, pop culture, flights of fancy, personnel obsessions and misc trivia each year coming up with my Christmas tunes list can be pretty exciting stuff even if only for me.

Over the years if there has been any recurring theme to my annual song lists it must be the non-duality of the season. My oft repeated tale of growing up in a church that although “Christian” didn’t celebrate Christmas and coming from a family(both sides) that most certainly did, attempts to explain my ambivalence when I hear of (factually non-existent) liberal organized Wars on Christmas, the danger of handing out candy canes, or arguments about who celebrates Christmas the most correctly.

I cry bah humbug on all that. Why bicker about something that in the end doesn’t impact your personnel family celebration? It doesn’t matter what you hear on television or radio in the end you and your family will celebrate the holidays however you want to, while upholding the traditions you wish.

There is a very wise teacher with a wonderful laugh who teaches that since we all have such a great deal in common we should focus on that instead of concentrating on how we differ. To him it is only logical that we would want to strive to do that which helps the greatest number of people to know happiness. Makes sense to me.

In the last few months we’ve watched the media focus on the Occupy movement. It isn’t my goal to start a discussion about the possible merits or non-merits of their arguments or their treatment. It’s Christmas time. However, just to help me focus I’m using the notion of “political action as conceptualization of philosophical construct intended to more importantly illustrate concept than gain redress.” (Zeno’s Paradigm) as the muse for my selection of songs. After all, we are the 100%-ers, those folks that deserve to be happy and have a Merry Christmas.

We are all part of the occupyXmas movement. We are the 100 percent. As a loosely organized aggregation of citizens we have no official platform or agenda other than recognizing that there are those among us that just might not wish goodwill toward man. Our goal is to keep Christmas, make merry, and assist(however we define assist) other 100%-ers to have a happy Christmas as well. We plan to occupy the holiday season and if possible continue to allow the Christmas Spirit to occupy us year round.

Power to the 100%!

In which I present my song selections with occasional explanations and/or ramblings. I picked songs that fit my theme of , "occupyXmas" and ones I could  imagine being played and sung around a campfire at my imaginary occupyXmas encampment on a cold Christmas Eve. All you compadres are there.  Your friends that have spent the last few weeks  mentoring to the world by their actions and example a proactive system of spreading holiday cheer. Together you've faced setbacks, opposition and yet you've seen the glimmer of hope when a small child smiled and whispered, "I believe." Now the evening before the big day seated around a flaming yule log the members of the circle in turn sing or play a song, share a poem, a story, a holiday joke. Holiday spirits are passed and shared. These are the songs I'd include.

Sol Invictus  from  Strange Communion  by Thea Gilmore

I discovered Thea Gilmore on a Uncut Magazine tribute CD to the Clash. Recently she recorded her own take on one of the classic Dylan albums, "John Wesley Harding," which is well worth of listen. In 2009 she released her excellent album of non-tradition of holiday songs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-aic4qHQWA
 

The Christmas We Hoped For  from The Christmas We Hoped For  by Vanessa Peters
Sadly I know basically zip about this singer but I do like the song. I read she recorded the record last summer in Austin w/o the A.C. on. For that reason alone we owe it to her to listen to her music.
http://vanessapeters.bandcamp.com/track/the-christmas-we-hoped-for-2















Getting Ready for Christmas Day from  So Beautiful or So What  by Paul Simon
When the new record came out I knew I’d finally heard a song that captures the frantic excitement of the upcoming holidays. I like the stomp and response. The sermon is sampled from1941 pre-war speech by American Christian preacher and gospel singer, Reverend J.M. Gates. Gettin' Ready!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DA81JjI40V0



Twas on a Night Like This from  Traditional Christmas Carols by  Pete Seeger

There had to be a Seeger song. I learned many of the Woody Guthrie songs I know from records by Pete, Burl Ives and an old live Woody album. This Seeger album is a classic and so is the song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpizGdABJkI

There Is No Silent Night by Rant Maggie Rant

I stumbled across this song on some blog with a link to it.  It was the last song picked but it seemed perfect for what I was trying to communicate. The band does an annual string of holiday concerts back home in Canada. Rant on!
http://rantmaggierant.bandcamp.com/track/there-is-no-silent-night

1913 Massacre by Woody Guthrie
Can’t remember when I first heard Woody sing this. The true story has always haunted me. Terribly sad and even more so because it is a true story. I remain convinced it would make a a moving Christmas film directed by someone like John Sayles. The image of the children taken back upstairs and laid around the tree is heartbreaking. When I make up songs that will only be sung one time while I'm driving by myself I like to think, maybe this is what Woody did, well, his were more listenable, sounded more like songs, and most importantly were remembered long enough to get written down. I still think a song of his should be our national anthem.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxxKWGTtjNM

Which Side Are You On? from  Union Town EP by Tom Morello

I'm guessing it  never has been thought of as a Christmas song for good reason. If you stop and think about though, the sentiments of the song might have been felt back at that first Christmas. How many people really wanted to travel far out of the way to pay a tax to a king they didn’t respect? Whenever I think about the season and its genesis I can't escape thoughts of a change coming and a chance for a new direction. Morello has made a point of singing songs in support of movements he supports. Are you with the 100 % or not?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCRrDpj194Q
Silver Bells from A Very She & Him Christmas  by She and  Him

Here’s something to lighten the mood.  I can imagine it being played and sung around a campfire in a cold lonely Hoover-ville.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dY3q20F1Dg

Christmas Card  by  Bob Walkenhorst

Lead singer of KC’s The Rainmakers of Gov’t Cheese fame. He has written several excellent non traditional holiday songs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GN1zZNHr7HM

Silent Night, All Day Long by John Prine

One of my favorite songs of all times is, "Hello in There." Prine can do thoughtful as well as funny (Dear Abby & Illegal Smile) He can do Christmas too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZD9yTAFLaSM

Christmas Morning from 40 Odd Years by Loudon Wainwright III

Always a favorite of mine( someday I WILL stage my musical Dead Skunk) with his wry observations that hit the mark.As I was finding photos for this it dawned on me that lots of these folks are artists that have effected me on deep levels or that their songs are literally part of the soundtrack for my life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXswquyz4QQ


Sweet Bells from Sweet Bells by Kate Rusby

Kate Rusby is a British singer/songwriter active since the ’90’s. I’m sorry, but English people seem like they were born to sing Christmas songs. Christmas Carol-y I guess.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwyOnLeyk6I

Fairytale Of New York  from Have Yourself A Very KT Christmas by KT Tunstall

Hand in glove, depression and the holidays. The Pogues wrote the song but ever since I heard Tunstall sing her version with Ed Harcourt the song just seems that much more sincere and honest. For me the English equivalent of “Merry Christmas, Baby.” Both capture the feeling of loneliness that many feel at holiday time. If you've ever spent Christmas far from family and loved ones you know what I talking about. If you haven't just listen to the song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b01FoO4ZDcY

Nothing But a Child by Steve Earle

Earle's music helped get me through the bypass. I walked to El Corazon daily, very slowly 'round and 'round inside our house in Jacksboro. I’ve always loved Kathy Mattea’s version of this song too. I went with the songwriter here to stick with notion of rebel songwriter and singers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnYvqjRQx1o


Last Night I Had the Strangest Dream from  Live- Carnegie Hall  by Johnny Cash

The song was written in 1950 and has been recorded in over 76 languages. Cash does a haunting version on his last record, Ain’t No Grave. His live version from the late ’60’s including the introduction seems more fitting, and more likely played on a cold winter night. I met him in April of 1968. Still one of the highlights of my musical life.(and a heckuva show from the rebel in black)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZwTfPKW6v0


The Rebel Jesus from The Next Voice You Hear: The Best…  by Jackson Browne

From the early '70's until... last week, songs by Jackson Browne have stirred up memories of many of the emotional high & low points of my life.  I first heard Jackson Browne sing this on the Chieftains Christmas album. What a strong song and I think an honest look at an aspect of the story sometimes overlooked and forgotten.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYbUVJJm2ZU&feature=related


He Was A Friend Of Mine by Dave Van Ronk

Never knowing just who he was singing about I decided I’d make the leap and decide for him, well at least for me. The Cohen Brothers are prepping a movie based loosely on Van Ronk's life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=754sRFIHIrA

Maybe This Christmas by  Cissi Wallin

I love this song written by Ron Sexsmith. I just wish I knew more about the singer. She does a great job. I know she’s Swedish and she does a radio show and her tweets are in Swedish which I can't read. For all I know she may post some really sick stuff. I'm just going to be thanking for her wonderful version of this song. Who knows...maybe this Christmas?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYaOXuGTSq4

Wasn't That a Mighty Day FROM  The 25th Day of December by the Staple Singers

For me there is a quality to the Staple's sound that touches me on a very deep level. Maybe the sound of that simple yet emotional guitar. One of my all time favorite Christmas albums and for a multitude of reasons, yes it certainly was.

Christmas Rebel Waltz by  Joe Strummer  the Clash

The Clash and Joe Strummer hit me as hard as the Beatles. My reaction to their music occurs on a gut level. I remember a cold night in January 1980 sitting outside at Mad Dog and Bean's with Crager and listening to a preview of London Calling. This message from Joe who was a huge fan of camp outs and campfire gatherings which he saw as a perfect chance to sing and swap songs around a fire. He was known for painting Christmas cards to give to friends and seldom passed a homeless person without finding some change. Like Joe says, "Without people we are nothing."

Auld Lang Syne from  A New Possibility - John Fahey's Chr… by John Fahey

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne* ?

CHORUS:

For auld lang syne, my jo, for auld lang syne, we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,

for auld lang syne

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQXgb_AIAA0

Have a Merry Christmas no matter how you celebrate it!

* Chesterfields and Christmas...for some unknown reason cool weather sometime after Thanksgiving would send me searching for a pack of the world's finest smoke, Chesterfields. I quit smoking Jan. 5, 1990, I haven't smoked since, not even a cigar, and luckily they quit making Chesterfields. Not sure how I'd react if I were to smell one today. Nothing says the holidays like a half dozen Chesterfields and a hot cup coffee with maybe a hint of something extra. Again, Happy Christmas!