At the gloaming of my son's high school career...
Today is a sad day for me. My son has decided to quit his school's one act play. I've talked with him at length about his decision. After honestly listening to him, even though it might not be the decision I'd make( no matter how empathetic, one can never know completely another person's subjective position)I think he is making the only decision he can make. Hearkening back to my "consequentialist" days I know he has done the prerequisite meditation to qualify this as the "right" choice. I applaud his resolve even though it fills me with sadness.
To comprehend the seriousness of his decision you have to understand that for most of the last four years his extracurricular school life has centered around the theater program. He has participated at all levels with dedication and persistence. He's won acting awards and gained skills as he learned more and more of the craft. Last December a student directed production he was in caused me to laugh out loud and seemed to me the most honest production I've seen at his school in many years. As a senior he was an officer in their Thespian Troupe and accepted a small role in this year's one act play. This spring he was scheduled to direct a student production.
Isaac stayed with the program even after what I'd think of as the worst experience of a student actor's life. During his sophomore year he was cast as the lead in the one act play. It was an admitted gamble on the director's part and Isaac was up to the challenge. Reality suggested that it wasn't going to work and weeks into the production Isaac was replaced. To Isaac's credit he took a small chorus member's role and gambled onward through the fog.
It would be pointless to recount everything that contributed to Isaac deciding in the last week to leave the show. My point isn't to argue the merits of his decision, one he made more or less on the day he reached the age of majority. Possibly he felt that with his new found voice in world affairs it was time he expressed how he felt about the theater program. I've always tried to encourage my kids to express themselves, advocate for themselves, and stand up for what they think is right. Admittedly I get frustrated when I think my kids aren't standing up for themselves. Both of them have been blessed with the ability to think and express themselves. I wish they would use those gifts and skills to do the right thing.
I've given all of this more than just a little bit of thought. It isn't my battle. I don't want Isaac to stay in theater because I want him to. I want him to do what he knows that he must.
I've slept since all of this started.
In English there is no exact equivalent for the term "Dukkha." Take your pick of these approximations, "intolerable", "unsustainable", "difficult to endure", "imperfect", and "unsatisfying", all of which describe that state of being all of us will find ourselves in at sometime. That reality is often referred to as one of the four noble truths. I think in regard to the one act play Isaac found himself in a state of dukkha. Luckily there is a solution for that reality.(yet another noble truth)
Non-attachment, removing oneself from the situation, severing yourself from expectations about how things "ought" to be can all be steps to finding peace. Isaac is doing what he is able to at this point in his life to deal with a situation he has thought about with much effort. In his own way he is setting an example. When a situation is toxic beyond repair sometimes it is best to remove yourself. There are plenty of adults that can't do that. He isn't trying to start a revolution, but he is giving up something that once gave him a sense of identity, that was very important to him, that he will miss, because he saw it has the only solution to a problem at this time.
Sure, some will say he gave up. Nobody would say that if had heard him explain things or if they'd watched as he explained the same thing to an authority figure in a position of power over students. Isaac rationally explained directly to a person others have said they were afraid to discuss similar issues with. Isaac stood his ground. His story never wavered. It took courage.
I'm sad. Not just for Isaac, but for a system that would allow dominoes to fall in the pattern that would allow this reality to exist. Something isn't right when Isaac knows that the only thing he can do to achieve peace is to sacrifice something that had been so important to him. It bothers me others don't see that.
I'm also extremely proud of my son. I hope that other well thought out decisions he makes in the future will not be so painful for him.
